-
Where
there's a will, there's a won't.
-
A
surprise monetary windfall will be accompanied by an
unexpected expense of the same amount.
-
No
one is listening until you make a mistake.
-
Always
hire a rich attorney. Never buy from a rich
salesman.
-
The
one who snores will fall asleep first.
-
There
is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
-
If
it's good, they discontinue it.
-
If
it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
anyway.
-
Weekend
specials aren't.
-
If
you have the time, you won't have the money. If you have
the money, you won't have the time.
-
After
you've mailed the last Christmas card, you will
receive a card from someone you overlooked.
-
Tussman's
Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose
time has come!
-
Murphy's
Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
-
Law
of Regressive Achievement: Last year's was always
better.
-
Post
Managerial Observation: The inefficiency and stupidity
of the staff corresponds to that of the management.
-
Berra's
Second Law: Anyone who is popular is bound to be
disliked.
-
Murphy's
Paradox: Doing it the hard way is always easier.
-
The
Dumb Luck Rule: You can always hit what you don't aim
at.
-
Murphy's
Law of Supply: If you don't need it and don't want
it, you can have tons of it.
-
Maryann's
Law: You can always find what you're not looking
for.
-
Farrell's
Law: The most expensive component is the one that
breaks.
-
Shakespeare's
Law: Where love is great, the littlest doubts
cause fear.
-
Rule
of Political Promises: Truth varies.
-
Ron's
Observation: The scratch on the record is through the
song you like most.
-
Thal's
Law: For every vision, there is an equal and
opposite revision.
-
The
Party Law: The more food you prepare, the less your
guests eat.
-
Law
of Telephone Dynamics: The call you keep waiting for
comes the minute you're out the door.
-
Segal's
Law: A man with one watch knows the time. A man
with two is never sure.
-
The
Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to
increase your taxes.
-
Murphy's
Advice: Don't worry...nobody gives a hoot anyway.
-
Parson's
Law of Passports: No one is as ugly as their
passport photo.
-
Cole's
Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
-
If
it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.
-
Sutin's
Second Law: The most useless computer tasks are the
most fun to do.
-
Park's
Law of Taxes: Whatever goes up, stays up.
-
The
Pitfalls of Genius: No boss will keep an employee who
is right all the time.
-
Zelman's
Rule of Radio Reception: Your pocket radio won't
pick up the station you want to hear most.
-
Humphrie's
Law of Bicycling: The shortest route has the
steepest hills.
-
Law
of Revelation: The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
-
Willoughby's
Law: When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will.
-
Hollenbeck's
Law: The direction of take-off will be
opposite that of the final destination.
-
Lowka's
Freeway Axiom: The driver behind you wants to go
five miles per hour faster.
-
Schrimpton's
Law of Teenage Opportunity: When opportunity
knocks, you've got heaphones on.
-
Thom's
Law of Marital Bliss: The length of the marriage is
inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding.
-
Hughe's
Burned Law Axiom: Grass growing from sidewalk
cracks never turns brown.
-
Todd's
Political Principle: No matter what they're telling
you, they're not telling you the whole truth.
-
Seay's
Law: Nothing ever comes out as planned.
-
Femo's
Law of Auto Engine Repair: If you drop something, it
will never reach the ground.
-
Law
of Human Quirks: Everyone wants to be noticed but no
one wants to be watched.
-
Theory
of Selective Supervision: The one time that you lean
back and relax is the one time the boss walks by.
-
Matilda's
Sub-Committee Law: If you leave the room, you're
elected.
-
Hane's
Law: There is no limit to how bad things can go.
-
The
Roman Rule: The one who says it can't be done shouldn't
interrupt the one doing it.
-
Darrow's
Comment: History repeats itself. That's one of
the things wrong with history.
-
Law
of Life's Highway: If everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.
-
Canada
Bill's Motto: A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
-
Munder's
Corollary: Everyone who does not work has a scheme
that does.
-
Priester's
Law of Desire: The more you want it, the quicker
the letdown after you get it.
-
Jone's
Law of TV Programming: If there are only two shows
worth watching, they will be on at the same time.
-
Sattinger's
Law: It works better if you plug it in.
-
Young's
Law: All inanimate objects can move just enough to
get in your way.
-
Sintetos'
First Law of Consumerism: A 60-day warranty
guarantees the product will self-destruct on the 61st day.
-
The
Airplane Law: When the plane you're on is late, the
plane you're transferring to is on time.
-
Worker's
Dilemma:
1. No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
2. What you don't do is always more important than what
you do.
-
Natalie's
Law of Algebra: You never catch on until after
the test.
-
Rockefeller's
Principle: Never do anything you wouldn't be
caught dead doing.
-
Evans'
and Bjorn's Law: No matter what goes wrong, there is
always somebody who knew it would.
-
Laws
of Postal Delivery:
1. Important mail arrives late.
2. Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
-
Rennie's
Law of Public Transit: If you start walking, the
bus comes when you are halfway between stops.
-
Paul's
Law: You can't fall off the floor.
-
Chapman's
Comment: It takes children three years to learn
Paul's Law.
-
Silverman's
Paradox: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
-
Young's
Law: All great discoveries are made by mistake.
-
Chisholm's
Second Law: When things are going well,
something will go wrong.
-
Milstead's
Driving Principle: When you need to stop at a
light to put on makeup, every light will be green.
-
Harrison's
Postulate: For every action, there is an equal
and opposite criticism.
-
Murray's
Rule: The wrong quarterback is the one that's in
there.
-
Blair's
Observation: The best-laid plans of mice and men
are usually about equal.
-
Ely's
Law: Wear the right costume and the part plays
itself.
-
Fifth
Rule of Politics: When a politician gets an idea, he
usually gets it wrong.
-
Ettore's
Observation: The other line moves faster.
-
The
Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has
been misunderstood.
-
The
Snafu Equation: The bit of information most needed is
the least available.
-
Knagg's
Law: The more grandiose the plan, the greater the
chance of failure.
-
Law
of Sports: The more money the free-agent signs for, the
less effective he is the following season.
-
Mrs.
Weiler's Law: Anything is edible if it is chopped
finely enough.
-
Clarke's
Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.
-
Harris'
Lament: All the good one's are taken.
-
Whistler's
Law: You never know who is right, but you always
know who's in charge.
-
Reynold's
Law of Climatology: Wind velocity increases with
the cost of the hairdo.
-
Hadley's
Second Law of Clothing Shopping: If you like it
and it's in your size, it doesn't fit anyway.
-
Russ'
Law of Assembly: The one piece that holds the whole
thing together will be missing.
-
Law
of Gifts: You get the most what you need the least.
-
Lord
Balfour's Contention: Nothing matters very much, and
few things matter at all.