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Murphy's Law

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  • Where there's a will, there's a won't.

  • A surprise monetary windfall will be accompanied by an
    unexpected expense of the same amount.

  • No one is listening until you make a mistake.

  • Always hire a rich attorney.  Never buy from a rich
    salesman.

  • The one who snores will fall asleep first.

  • There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.

  • If it's good, they discontinue it.

  • If it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing
    anyway.

  • Weekend specials aren't.

  • If you have the time, you won't have the money.  If you have
    the money, you won't have the time.

  • After you've mailed the last Christmas card, you will
    receive a card from someone you overlooked.

  • Tussman's Law:  Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose
    time has come!

  • Murphy's Law:  If anything can go wrong, it will.

  • Law of Regressive Achievement:  Last year's was always
    better.

  • Post Managerial Observation:  The inefficiency and stupidity
    of the staff corresponds to that of the management.

  • Berra's Second Law:  Anyone who is popular is bound to be
    disliked.

  • Murphy's Paradox:  Doing it the hard way is always easier.

  • The Dumb Luck Rule:  You can always hit what you don't aim
    at.

  • Murphy's Law of Supply:  If you don't need it and don't want
    it, you can have tons of it.

  • Maryann's Law:  You can always find what you're not looking
    for.

  • Farrell's Law:  The most expensive component is the one that
    breaks.

  • Shakespeare's Law:  Where love is great, the littlest doubts
    cause fear.

  • Rule of Political Promises:  Truth varies.

  • Ron's Observation:  The scratch on the record is through the
    song you like most.

  • Thal's Law:  For every vision, there is an equal and
    opposite revision.

  • The Party Law:  The more food you prepare, the less your
    guests eat.

  • Law of Telephone Dynamics:  The call you keep waiting for
    comes the minute you're out the door.

  • Segal's Law:  A man with one watch knows the time.  A man
    with two is never sure.

  • The Salary Axiom:  The pay raise is just large enough to
    increase your taxes.

  • Murphy's Advice:  Don't worry...nobody gives a hoot anyway.

  • Parson's Law of Passports:  No one is as ugly as their
    passport photo.

  • Cole's Law:  Thinly sliced cabbage.

  • If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.

  • Sutin's Second Law:  The most useless computer tasks are the
    most fun to do.

  • Park's Law of Taxes:  Whatever goes up, stays up.

  • The Pitfalls of Genius:  No boss will keep an employee who
    is right all the time.

  • Zelman's Rule of Radio Reception:  Your pocket radio won't
    pick up the station you want to hear most.

  • Humphrie's Law of Bicycling:  The shortest route has the
    steepest hills.

  • Law of Revelation:  The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

  • Willoughby's Law:  When you try to prove to someone that a
    machine won't work, it will.

  • Hollenbeck's Law:  The direction of take-off will be
    opposite that of the final destination.

  • Lowka's Freeway Axiom:  The driver behind you wants to go
    five miles per hour faster.

  • Schrimpton's Law of Teenage Opportunity:  When opportunity
    knocks, you've got heaphones on.

  • Thom's Law of Marital Bliss:  The length of the marriage is
    inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding.

  • Hughe's Burned Law Axiom:  Grass growing from sidewalk
    cracks never turns brown.

  • Todd's Political Principle:  No matter what they're telling
    you, they're not telling you the whole truth.

  • Seay's Law:  Nothing ever comes out as planned.

  • Femo's Law of Auto Engine Repair:  If you drop something, it
    will never reach the ground.

  • Law of Human Quirks:  Everyone wants to be noticed but no
    one wants to be watched.

  • Theory of Selective Supervision:  The one time that you lean
    back and relax is the one time the boss walks by.

  • Matilda's Sub-Committee Law:  If you leave the room, you're
    elected.

  • Hane's Law:  There is no limit to how bad things can go.

  • The Roman Rule:  The one who says it can't be done shouldn't
    interrupt the one doing it.

  • Darrow's Comment:  History repeats itself.  That's one of
    the things wrong with history.

  • Law of Life's Highway:  If everything is coming your way,
    you're in the wrong lane.

  • Canada Bill's Motto:  A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

  • Munder's Corollary:  Everyone who does not work has a scheme
    that does.

  • Priester's Law of Desire:  The more you want it, the quicker
    the letdown after you get it.

  • Jone's Law of TV Programming:  If there are only two shows
    worth watching, they will be on at the same time.

  • Sattinger's Law:  It works better if you plug it in.

  • Young's Law:  All inanimate objects can move just enough to
    get in your way.

  • Sintetos' First Law of Consumerism:  A 60-day warranty
    guarantees the product will self-destruct on the 61st day.

  • The Airplane Law:  When the plane you're on is late, the
    plane you're transferring to is on time.

  • Worker's Dilemma:
      1.  No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
      2.  What you don't do is always more important than what
      you do.

  • Natalie's Law of Algebra:  You never catch on until after
    the test.

  • Rockefeller's Principle:  Never do anything you wouldn't be
    caught dead doing.

  • Evans' and Bjorn's Law:  No matter what goes wrong, there is
    always somebody who knew it would.

  • Laws of Postal Delivery:
      1.  Important mail arrives late.
      2.  Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

  • Rennie's Law of Public Transit:  If you start walking, the
    bus comes when you are halfway between stops.

  • Paul's Law:  You can't fall off the floor.

  • Chapman's Comment:  It takes children three years to learn
    Paul's Law.

  • Silverman's Paradox:  If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

  • Young's Law:  All great discoveries are made by mistake.

  • Chisholm's Second Law:  When things are going well,
    something will go wrong.

  • Milstead's Driving Principle:  When you need to stop at a
    light to put on makeup, every light will be green.

  • Harrison's Postulate:  For every action, there is an equal
    and opposite criticism.

  • Murray's Rule:  The wrong quarterback is the one that's in
    there.

  • Blair's Observation:  The best-laid plans of mice and men
    are usually about equal.

  • Ely's Law:  Wear the right costume and the part plays
    itself.

  • Fifth Rule of Politics:  When a politician gets an idea, he
    usually gets it wrong.

  • Ettore's Observation:  The other line moves faster.

  • The Army Axiom:  Any order that can be misunderstood has
    been misunderstood.

  • The Snafu Equation:  The bit of information most needed is
    the least available.

  • Knagg's Law:  The more grandiose the plan, the greater the
    chance of failure.

  • Law of Sports:  The more money the free-agent signs for, the
    less effective he is the following season.

  • Mrs. Weiler's Law:  Anything is edible if it is chopped
    finely enough.

  • Clarke's Third Law:  Any sufficiently advanced technology is
    indistinguishable from magic.

  • Harris' Lament:  All the good one's are taken.

  • Whistler's Law:  You never know who is right, but you always
    know who's in charge.

  • Reynold's Law of Climatology:   Wind velocity increases with
    the cost of the hairdo.

  • Hadley's Second Law of Clothing Shopping:  If you like it
    and it's in your size, it doesn't fit anyway.

  • Russ' Law of Assembly:  The one piece that holds the whole
    thing together will be missing.

  • Law of Gifts:  You get the most what you need the least.

  • Lord Balfour's Contention:  Nothing matters very much, and
    few things matter at all.


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