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Yo Mama Jokes

I got this from P2P.  No name seems to be attached to the document. I am in no way claiming ownership of this document. If you have any questions or suggestions, please direct them to demiguin@yahoo.com


 Yo mama's so FAT:

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

a picture of her would fall off the wall

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

she puts on her belt with a boomerang

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

when you get on top of her your ears pop

when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

she fell in love and broke it

she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

she wakes up in sections

when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck

she's on both sides of the family

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

she fell and made the Grand Canyon

she has to use a VCR as a beeper

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

she influences the tides

she stands in two time zones

she cant tie her own shoes

she cant reach her back pocket

that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to clean it

she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

her favorite dress is a tent

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

she has to iron her pants on the driveway

she needs a building permit for her girdle

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please"

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"

the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight

she has her own zip code

the phone company gave her two area codes

people jog around her for exercise

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her

she shows up on radar

when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"

when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again"

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate

when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains"

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"

the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean

when she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H" and the "D"

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

she has to fly cargo class

she has to wear a sock on each toe

she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts

she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button

when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

she sells shade in the summer

cows graze by her for the shade

when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

she could be the eighth continent

she farted and put herself into an orbit

I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back

the only thing attracted to her is gravity

small objects tend to orbit her

her belly button's got an echo


 Yo mama's so STUPID:

she got hit by a parked car

she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays

she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog

she bought a solar-powered flashlight

she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses /water-proof teabag/wheelchair with pedals

she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's

she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico

she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "Concentrate"

I strangled her with a cordless phone

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

she sits on the TV and watches the sofa

she asked me what kind of jeans I had on, I said "Guess", and she said "uh, Levi's?"

she stands up on an empty bus

when I asked her to buy me a color TV, she asked me what color

when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends

she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed

she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor

she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops

she writes "Thank You" notes for her bills


Yo mama's so UGLY:      

your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye

she makes blind kids cry

when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back

the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down

when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes

when she gets up, the sun goes down

when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows

when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother

when she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!"; and your dad replied, "Yeah, let's go bury it"

when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end

the government moved Halloween to her birthday

instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies

when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back"

the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her

her mom had to feed her with a slingshot

her parents first named her "Accident"

they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!

she took your dog to the Canine Show and won   your dog came in second

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