Yo
Mama Jokes
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Yo
mama's so FAT:
she
don't take pictures, she takes posters
her
baby pictures were taken by satellite
a
picture of her would fall off the wall
she
gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and
oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us
she
tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out
she
uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks
she
puts on her belt with a boomerang
she
has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
when
you get on top of her your ears pop
when
she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
the
highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"
when
she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo
she
fell in love and broke it
she
looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon
even
Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction
she
wakes up in sections
when
she jumps up in the air she gets stuck
she's
on both sides of the family
everytime
she walks in high heels, she strikes oil
she
fell and made the Grand Canyon
she
has to use a VCR as a beeper
she
broke her leg, and gravy poured out
they
have to grease the bath tub to get her out
she
influences the tides
she
stands in two time zones
she
cant tie her own shoes
she
cant reach her back pocket
that
she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she
caused an eclipse
they
tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to
clean it
she
accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth
she
stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%
she
wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone
after
she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party
when
her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up
she
had to go to Sea World to get baptized
her
favorite dress is a tent
she
left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops
she
has to iron her pants on the driveway
she
needs a building permit for her girdle
she
has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller
she
needed her ears pierced with a harpoon
when
she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose
when
she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please"
when
she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"
when
she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"
the
last time she saw 90210 was on a scale
the
back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs
when
she bends over we lose an hour of daylight
she
has her own zip code
the
phone company gave her two area codes
people
jog around her for exercise
when
she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"
when
she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her
she
shows up on radar
when
she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"
when
she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again"
when
she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate
when
she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do
curtains"
when
the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them
when
she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"
the
difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds
when
she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun
when
she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean
when
she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the
"H" and the "D"
she
was Miss Arizona -- class battleship
she's
got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book
her
senior picture had to be an aerial view
she
has to fly cargo class
she
has to wear a sock on each toe
she's
got shock absorbers on her toilet seat
the
National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts
she
needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button
when
I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas
she
sells shade in the summer
cows
graze by her for the shade
when
she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her
she
got on an airplane and only the wings took off
she
could be the eighth continent
she
farted and put herself into an orbit
I
have to roll her over twice to get her on her back
the
only thing attracted to her is gravity
small
objects tend to orbit her
her
belly button's got an echo
Yo
mama's so STUPID:
she
got hit by a parked car
she
looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays
she
put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog
she
bought a solar-powered flashlight
she
invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses /water-proof teabag/wheelchair with pedals
she
got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's
she
thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico
she
spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said
"Concentrate"
I
strangled her with a cordless phone
she
sent me a fax with a stamp on it
she
sits on the TV and watches the sofa
she
asked me what kind of jeans I had on, I said "Guess", and she said
"uh, Levi's?"
she
stands up on an empty bus
when
I asked her to buy me a color TV, she asked me what color
when
she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and
got 16 friends
she
went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed
she
broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor
she
only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops
she
writes "Thank You" notes for her bills
Yo mama's
so UGLY:
your
daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye
she
makes blind kids cry
when
she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back
the
psychiatrist makes her lie face-down
when
she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes
when
she gets up, the sun goes down
when
she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows
when
she was born, the doctor slapped her mother
when
she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!"; and your dad replied,
"Yeah, let's go bury it"
when
she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end
the
government moved Halloween to her birthday
instead
of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
they
push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies
when
I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her
back"
the
prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her
her
mom had to feed her with a slingshot
her
parents first named her "Accident"
they
knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!